You Just Don't Understand

Blurb

You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation is a 1990 non-fiction book on language and gender by Deborah Tannen, a professor of sociolinguistics at Georgetown University. It draws partly on academic research by Tannen and others, but is written for a popular audience, and thus uses anecdotes from literature and the lives of Tannen and her family, students and friends.
Tannen writes that, from childhood, boys and girls learn different approaches to language and communication—Tannen calls these different approaches "genderlects." Females engage in "rapport-talk" — a communication style meant to promote social affiliation and emotional connection, while men engage in "report-talk" — a style focused on exchanging information with little emotional import. The differences in metamessages, Tannen shows, result in misunderstandings between men and women.
The book remained on the New York Times best seller list for nearly four years and was subsequently translated into 30 other languages. It received generally positive reviews, and some readers have even credited it with helping save their relationships.